I can’t get in…I’ve lost the key!

I’m scanning, frantic, all around,

I’ve turned my pockets inside-out,

Searched handbag, but it can’t be found.

Without the key the door stays locked,

And I can’t open-up my home,

My heart beats in a panic…

Mouth goes dry…eyes filling up with woe.


I’m sure I had the key back when

My bones were young, and faith was fresh,

But since then, life has worn me down,

And now my brain’s a jumbled mess.

I used to be so certain

Of so many things, back in the day,

Feet planted on a righteous path,

Now I struggle, with rocks in the way.


So, was it then I lost the key?

Did I let it go when I fell down?

I remember thinking selfishly,

With bruised hope and a battered crown.

For rocks can make us stumble,

Twist our ankles and will stub our toes,

They’ll also get quite slippery

When they’re wet with troubled water’s flow.


I should have held on to the key

More tightly in these flailing times,

For now I feel most certain,

It got swept away in bitter brine.

‘though retrospect now shows me

That I never could have held this key,

For if I had, I would have clasped it

To my chest, most gratefully.


So, now I find I’ve been locked out,

Am standing, helpless, in the cold,

Oh, curse the exuberance of youth,

Which ebbed away as I grew old.

It’s too late for cruel hindsight now,

I’m lost, already in the dark,

‘though I see flames, there is no warmth,

Just pain within each tortured spark.


I didn’t have the precious key

In life, but shoved Him out of sight,

Didn’t treat Him with due reverence,

Didn’t praise Him as The Way and Light.

I should have fixed my eyes upon

Lord Jesus, not poor worldly things,

Then I wouldn’t be locked out of Heaven now,

Where I can’t hear the angels sing.

Suzanne Newman 2021

Short bio...."my name is Suzanne Newman and I live in The Midlands in England. I have always liked reading poetry, but only started writing it earnestly in 2018, when The Lord put it upon my heart. I find it cathartic and like to use poetry to share my struggles with the hope of encouraging others in a similar position. I suffer from clinical depression & anxiety & had cancer in 2015/16 & still battle with the effects of that treatment to this day."