WALKING STEPS – a series

Andrew White, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan Canada. My Early years were pretty full of loss and sorrow. I was the youngest of four kids (2 Brothers & 1 Sister). I was Born in Woodstock Ontario in 1971. My parents moved us to B.C when I was about a year old, where Life just seemed to become a dark cloud! My father was soon incapacitated the first year that we were there due to a severe truck accident that left Him with severe brain damage and having to stay in nursing homes due to the severity and the fact that My Mother had her hands full with 4 kids already. This was the beginning of a long period of dark events that seemed to plague my life. It wasn't 6 years before Mother passed away of heart failure. Yea! There was me at the age of 7 without both of my parents and clueless as to how to deal with any of this emotional baggage. I just had to avoid feeling at all costs and found sources to do so. By the age of 14, I was a drug addicted alcoholic, trying everything under the sun that made me numb, or distracted the emotional pain. I made a few attempts at getting my life in order and tried to learn new ways of dealing with tragedy. But as I made attempts to clean up, something else tragic would happen. I Lost my 3 best friends by the time I became 27 years old. I went to Bible college and tried to learn about faith so that I would have JESUS to turn to but ended up leaving the church because I was bitter about something and left the faith because of this, ending up back to square one. The place I knew would take care of all these troubles. I became a Heroin addict and was on a journey through my own wilderness. Lost and alone. Never married because I couldn’t get too close in fear that I might just lose another close person in my life. I made 4 bastard children that grew up to dislike everything about me. I Just couldn't win for losing. My Siblings were getting tired of watching me die and pretty much had to sever all ties with me, so they didn't have to live their lives in fear of losing their little brother all the time. With all that being said, I will say that "everything happens for a reason!" And for those of us that Love THE LORD, it is for a good reason! I have HIV, but I have managed to keep it undetectable by the Grace of GOD! I am still not married but have built a friendship with my middle daughter. And I am blessed with a grandson now! Writing has now become the source for dealing with all those emotions and I try to abstain from drugs and alcohol for the most part. I am allowing THE LORD to do HIS work on my Life and prepare me for my future journey with HIM. I always knew I could write poetry so I guess I have been an aspiring writer all my life!